Dungeon Crawler Carl
by Matt Dinniman
Contents
Chapter 29
Overview
Carl and Donut’s arena practice reveals their deck’s biggest weakness: several totems are powerful but unreliable or openly insubordinate, and Donut’s sponsorship is abruptly sold to a bizarre waste-management company. In their first deck-versus-deck match, Der Schachmeister disables Donut’s summons, spies on her hand, burns Shi Maria’s card, and wins when a level-100 wolf hits Donut. Carl realizes future fights will require immediate, aggressive attacks on the enemy deckmaster and stricter totem coordination, possibly even swapping out a card via Katia.
Summary
In the mock battle arena, Carl and Princess Donut continue cycling through their totem combinations and learning how unreliable several summons can be. Donut is furious when she receives a notification that Empress D’Nadia has sold Donut’s sponsorship, replacing it with a new sponsor called Long Haul Biological Waste Management Solutions, which Donut feels cheapens her brand.
Carl reviews what they have learned: Asojano is powerful but hostile and tries to debuff Donut when he can; Raul is strong but deeply insecure and submissive; Geraldo is a dependable tank but constantly fights with Raul; Skylar Spinach is quiet, useful as a distraction, and has a valuable “split” effect that creates two temporary summonable cards; and Shi Maria is overwhelmingly lethal but sadistic and psychologically unsettling. HeyZoos (Uzi Jesus) is also extremely strong but unreliable, often agreeing to act and then refusing or lying, making coordinated tactics difficult.
They enter “Secret Challenge Mode,” their first deck-versus-deck practice fight. The enemy deckmaster, Der Schachmeister (a level-25 boy in a tuxedo), immediately demonstrates a faster card cooldown than Donut and uses disabling mystic cards: he locks Donut’s summoning, then casts a card that lets him see Donut’s hand for the rest of the fight.
Der Schachmeister summons two level-100 wolves that rush Donut. As Donut tries to respond, Der Schachmeister destroys the Shi Maria card (“To Hell With Ya!”), removing their strongest option. Raul kills one wolf with Bris, but the second wolf overwhelms him and lands a hit on Donut, triggering the simulation’s loss condition.
After the failure, Carl concludes they must adopt Shi Maria’s core lesson: strike the enemy deckmaster immediately, even with a bad opening hand, because preventing casts matters more than trading with totems. Carl and Donut agree they need more drills to train faster, more disciplined totem responses, and Carl considers Katia’s offer to trade a totem—meaning Carl and Donut may need to cut one of their own soon. They decide to run the simulation again.
Who Appears
- CarlTrains with Donut, assesses deck weaknesses, concludes they must rush enemy deckmasters.
- Princess DonutDeckmaster in training; distracted by sponsorship change; loses deck-vs-deck simulation.
- Der SchachmeisterEnemy deckmaster boy; uses debuffs, hand-vision, and card-burning to win quickly.
- RaulCrab totem; powerful ranged Bris attack but insecure and submissive; kills one wolf.
- SamanthaCompanion; briefly flares with unexplained blue energy but fizzles out.
- MongoDonut’s ally; held back for training discipline and because enemy totems would kill him in real fights.
- Shi MariaTerrifyingly strong spider totem; key strategy model; her card is burned by enemy mystic.
- HeyZoos (Uzi Jesus)Unreliable but powerful totem; often refuses orders and gaslights Donut during practice.
- AsojanoStrong but hostile totem; attempts debuffs and requires Donut’s forceful control.
- GeraldoMonk seal totem; solid tank/fighter; bitter enemy of Raul and fights him.
- Skylar SpinachSilent donkey/bat/snake totem; distracts enemies and can split into two temporary summonable cards.
- Empress D’NadiaFormer sponsor; sells Donut’s sponsorship to another company.
- KatiaReferenced ally; offered a totem trade, prompting Carl to consider swapping cards.