Rocky 1: Sandwich
by Catherine Newman
Contents
Wednesday - 19
Overview
Summary
Rocky flashes back to the summer when Jamie was five and Willa nearly two. She and Nick go to a follow-up OB appointment at thirteen weeks pregnant, having already seen the heartbeat and secretly chosen names—Boris and Pearl—written on a note still taped under her desk.
During the ultrasound, the doctor struggles to find the heartbeat. When the grainy image appears, Rocky immediately recognizes the baby's stillness and begins crying, knowing before being told. The doctor leaves and returns with colleagues who confirm the miscarriage. Rocky feels like "a bad stork who'd dropped its precious bundle mid-flight."
The medical staff present three options—D&C, medication like misoprostol, or the "wait and see" approach. Enraged by the clinical language framing her loss as a menu choice, and unwilling to endure either invasive procedures or prolonged waiting, Rocky chooses the medication. She asks whether she can still swim in the ocean during the upcoming vacation; when told it's inadvisable, she pushes back, noting the handout only forbids lakes and rivers, and her doctor reluctantly concedes.
Driving home, Rocky places a hand on her belly over the "stilled child" and feels a dial-tone numbness, knowing she will simply go home and cook dinner like any grieving mother. Later that night, reading the pharmacy leaflet, she misreads "fetal" as "fecal," and Nick gently corrects her. Jamie and Willa sleep tucked between them in bed. Rocky reflects that she had only ever wanted two children—but her body, which no longer felt like hers, had wanted more.
Who Appears
- RockyNarrator recounting her thirteen-week miscarriage; devastated, enraged by clinical language, chooses medication, grieves while caring for her young children.
- NickRocky's husband; present at the appointment, holds her hand, gently comforts her, corrects her misreading of the pharmacy leaflet at home.
- JamieRocky's five-year-old son at the time, asleep beside his parents with a thumb in his mouth.
- WillaRocky's nearly two-year-old daughter at the time, sleeping between her parents.
- The OB doctorPerforms the ultrasound, struggles to find a heartbeat, dismisses Rocky's concerns; later concedes she may swim in the ocean.