Rocky flashes back to a time when Jamie was four and Willa was not yet one, shortly after the family had moved from Boston to Western Massachusetts. Lacking a gynecologist, Rocky chose one based on a friend's lukewarm recommendation that he was 'kind of a douche' but competent.

At the appointment, Rocky lay exposed and exhausted on the exam table while the doctor performed a transvaginal ultrasound roughly and impersonally. On the screen, he located the gestational sac and a fluttering heartbeat, cheerfully calling her 'Mom,' which made Rocky cry. He measured the pregnancy at six weeks.

At home, Nick joked from a Coen brothers film when Rocky showed him the printout, and Rocky, irritated, asked him to stop. Nick apologized and hugged her, expressing excitement Rocky doubted was genuine, hers or his. The moment was interrupted by Willa waking from her nap, beaming up at Rocky with pure joy and calling 'Mama!'

A month later, Rocky begged Nick to drive her back to Cape Cod for a single night so she could swim. In the September ocean, she miscarried—'bled the baby away into the brine.' She felt a simultaneous craving for obliteration and a fierce desire to hold on to the life she already had.