Rocky 1: Sandwich
by Catherine Newman
Contents
Friday - 36
Overview
Summary
Rocky lies awake before dawn, exhausted and anxious, listening to the sounds of the rented house. Willa returns from being out, briefly acknowledges Rocky, and goes to sleep. Rocky and Nick whisper to each other, each confessing fear that the other will leave. They agree to find time to talk, and Nick mentions Maya was vomiting again—Rocky still hasn't told him about Maya's pregnancy. They decide to walk to the ocean together.
After Rocky checks on her sleeping parents to confirm they're breathing, she and Nick drive to a wild beach and sit on the sand near the receding tide. Nick gently affirms that the abortion was always Rocky's decision and asks whether she feared he'd pressure her. Rocky tries to explain that her silence wasn't rational: she was too in love with Jamie and Willa to bear having another child, but afterward she was devastated by the loss, desperate to get pregnant again, and haunted by the would-be due date.
Rocky reveals she told no one—not her best friend Jo, not even her therapist, whom she feared would pathologize her. She describes how an antidepressant after her later miscarriage helped her finally seek help, but that the abortion felt like a private burden she had to carry alone.
The conversation shifts as Rocky vents her anger at Nick for not seeing her pain and for being physically untouched by reproductive trauma. She rails against the expectation that women remain sexually engaged amid bodily and psychic damage. Nick gently jokes, making her laugh, and she admits she does want him while still feeling they live on different planets. He invites her into the water, and she agrees, wanting to feel weightless.
Who Appears
- RockyNarrator; sleepless and ashamed, finally articulates to Nick the grief and irrationality behind her hidden abortion.
- NickRocky's husband; gently affirms her autonomy, listens without judgment, and comforts her at the beach.
- WillaRocky's daughter; returns home early morning, briefly acknowledges Rocky before sleeping.
- MayaPregnant family member; mentioned vomiting again, reminding Rocky of another untold secret.