Maggie opens with sharp, comedic bickering at a bar, accusing Brody McFadden of breathing on her neck while he teases her about imaginary spinach in her teeth. Their exchange establishes a long-standing adversarial rapport characterized by insults and needling, with Maggie labeling Brody the bane of her existence and noting he is her brother Gary’s closest friend from their fraternity days.

Maggie sketches Gary and Brody’s shared "bro" history: fraternity antics, obsessive fandom of the Chicago Rebels baseball team, and an aimless post-college tour of MLB ballparks to rank hot dogs. She underscores Brody’s womanizing reputation, claiming he tallied hundreds of make-outs during college.

The core of Maggie’s resentment is revealed: during Gary’s wedding, she and Brody shared an intensely passionate make-out, escalating to groping that left Maggie overwhelmed by desire. She describes the kiss as the best of her life, elevated by Brody’s practiced skill and physical chemistry.

At the height of the moment, Brody abruptly recoiled after Maggie moaned, wiping his mouth and storming off without explanation. Maggie felt humiliated, rejected, and furious, fixing her lasting hatred on the incident.

Returning to the present, Maggie acknowledges Brody’s infuriating charm and attractiveness, then reveals a new predicament: on a small Polynesian island, circumstances force her to pretend Brody is her boyfriend. She frames this deception as a last-resort response to desperate circumstances, setting up the story’s central tension.