Early on April 12, 1981, Joan Goodwin stood atop the launch control center at Kennedy Space Center to observe STS-1, the first space shuttle launch. Most astronauts had assignments that day, but Joan and many Group 9 ASCANs were present simply to watch. The Cape and surrounding beaches were crowded, and the event was nationally broadcast, heightening the sense that the world was watching. Joan thought of her sister Frances watching on television and worried about the potential for disaster.

Vanessa Ford admitted she was nervous. Joan reassured her, trying to project confidence despite her own fear. John “Griff” Griffin approached Joan and invited her to breakfast after the launch, which unsettled her; Vanessa teased that Griff was romantically interested. Joan deflected, telling Vanessa to shake out her nerves, and they bantered as the countdown neared.

As the final minutes ticked down, Joan pictured commander John Young and pilot Bob Crippen strapped in the Columbia. She wondered whether they felt fear or calm and reflected on how the moment would inspire countless boys to dream of becoming astronauts. She grew angry at the absence of women on board and considered how she had never dressed as an astronaut for Halloween, questioning the need for visible role models.

With the countdown at seconds, Joan instinctively reached for Vanessa’s hand; Vanessa gripped back. The engines ignited, fire and smoke billowed, and liftoff was announced as the shuttle cleared the tower. Joan was momentarily terrified when the smoke expanded but regained composure as the shuttle ascended and the sound of the engines dominated the scene.

At 132 seconds, the solid rocket boosters separated. Joan breathed easier as she mentally tracked the shuttle’s speed and expected milestones like main engine cutoff and external tank separation. Realizing she was still holding Vanessa’s hand, Joan withdrew and apologized, embarrassed by the intensity of her fear. Vanessa remained quiet, and Joan kept her eyes on the diminishing point of light.

The Columbia reached orbit, turning into a distant white dot. Relief and pride washed over Joan as she recognized the success of the launch and felt her earlier fear subside, leaving her feeling slightly foolish for having doubted the outcome.