The chapter reframes happiness as individually defined and applicable to either parenthood or a childfree life, urging readers to identify which experiences matter most. It introduces building blocks—adventure, risk, spontaneity, and flexibility—showing how childfree living can enable spontaneity and exploration, while parenthood can offer shared adventures if planned and resourced. Flexibility is vital for adapting to imperfect outcomes and for preserving options, with Gail Sheehy’s life-stage shifts underscoring caution against irreversible steps too early.

The text links the baby decision to mortality. Robert Jay Lifton’s five modes of “immortality” (theological, creative, natural, psychic, and biological/parenthood) suggest multiple paths to meaning. Accepting death clarifies priorities and exposes procrastination as costly, pushing couples to act within life’s limits rather than avoid aging by deferring the decision.

On mission, Martin Buber emphasizes actualizing one’s unique potential. Missions can change or coexist, but too many dilute results. Abraham Maslow’s “Jonah complex” explains fear of one’s greatness; Kelly and Jason exemplify how busyness can mask fear, stalling art and politics while they weigh parenthood. Readers are urged to discern whether parenthood aligns with or avoids their deeper calling.

Solitude, freedom, and intimacy each shape happiness. Solitude may be scarce for parents yet deeply appreciated; discomfort with quiet can hinder clear decisions. Freedom requires responsibility, not drift via accidents or absolutes. Intimacy can grow with or without children, but babies will not fix distance in a relationship and can add stress if partners are not ready.

Community is nurtured through both kin and “chosen families.” A traditional Thanksgiving with Eric and Rhonda’s relatives and a parallel gathering hosted by childfree Nick and Lilly show different routes to belonging. Jane Howard’s criteria—commitment, continuity, cross-generations, maintenance, flexibility, and coordination—apply regardless of parenting status. The chapter advises preparing for aging without treating children as insurance.

On marriage, the author rejects the myth that babies ruin good unions, noting that planned children and good teamwork can deepen bonds, while dependency dynamics are a red flag. Essential skills—affection, communication, commitment, respect for uniqueness, flexibility, and generosity—serve both marriage and parenting. Research finds nonparents at least as healthy and satisfied as parents; stress peaks with young children but differences are small, and happiness rises with fertility control. Guidance on reading studies cautions against overgeneralization. The core conclusion: either path can support happiness, but couples should proceed only when both truly want a child.