Cover of Long Island Compromise

Long Island Compromise

by Taffy Brodesser-Akner


Genre
Fiction, Contemporary, Humor and Comedy
Year
2024
Pages
465
Contents

Your Future Now

Overview

Phyllis Fletcher dies of an autoimmune illness, and Ruth begins notifying the family. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, middle child Beamer is introduced mid-debauch at his weekly Radisson appointment with two sex workers, ignoring his mother's calls while spiraling over a stalled screenwriting career and a wife he believes is leaving him. The chapter ends with Drexel Abraham appearing in the hotel doorway with a burlap bag, calling Beamer by his real name, Bernard, just as Beamer finally blacks out.

Summary

One morning in late September a few years ago, Phyllis Fletcher dies in her living room of an autoimmune illness, surrounded by Carl, Marjorie, Ruth, and a hostile hospice worker. Ruth manages the aftermath, calling Nathan, Jenny, and the rabbi, then repeatedly trying to reach her middle child, Beamer, in Los Angeles.

Beamer, forty-two, is at his standing Tuesday morning appointment in room 816 of the Radisson Airport Hotel, hog-tied and being degraded by two sex workers, Lady and a new woman in a red wig. He has taken six pills with vodka and is chasing the blackout he depends on to function in his ordinary life. He ignores his mother's repeated calls.

The drugs aren't working. Beamer's mind keeps spiraling: his agent hasn't returned his calls in days, suggesting his screenwriting career—anchored to a fourth installment of the action film he wrote two decades earlier—is dying. His wife Noelle, a repressed Presbyterian, has been giving him a silent treatment he interprets as terrorism, and he becomes convinced she is going to leave him. He recalls coming home the previous night to a wife pretending to sleep, and that morning, her sneaking out before he came downstairs. He thinks of his children Liesl and Wolfie, his housekeeper Ludmilla, his nanny Paulette, his fractured partnership with former writing partner Charlie Messinger, and the couples therapy that isn't working.

Beamer struggles to focus on the degradation he engineered—licking the carpet, having an acrylic-nailed finger inserted in him—because his anxieties keep intruding. He reflects on his appetites, his Chimera Syndrome eyes, and his lifelong inability to be satisfied. As Lady commands him to lick toes, the hotel room door opens. A man in gray corduroys and running shoes enters. Beamer recognizes him as Drexel Abraham, who tells him, "You're coming with me, Bernard," and produces a burlap bag for his head. At that moment Beamer finally ejaculates and collapses into a blackout.

Who Appears

  • Beamer (Bernard) Fletcher
    Carl and Ruth's middle child, a forty-two-year-old Hollywood screenwriter chasing blackouts via drugs and sex workers; spiraling over career and marriage.
  • Phyllis Fletcher
    Carl's domineering mother; dies of autoimmune illness in her living room at the chapter's opening, aged ninety-three or eighty-eight.
  • Ruth Fletcher
    Carl's wife and Beamer's mother; manages Phyllis's death, making calls to children and the rabbi.
  • Carl Fletcher
    Phyllis's son, present at her deathbed; led to the kitchen by Ruth afterward.
  • Drexel Abraham
    Former family employee and Carl's original kidnapper; reappears at the Radisson to abduct Beamer with a burlap bag.
  • Lady
    Beamer's regular sex worker for years, who participates in his weekly degradation rituals at the Radisson.
  • Red-wigged woman
    New companion Lady brings to the appointment; missing a front tooth, which Beamer finds intensely arousing.
  • Noelle Fletcher
    Beamer's WASPy Presbyterian wife of seven years; emotionally withdrawn, and Beamer fears she is preparing to leave him.
  • Liesl Fletcher
    Beamer and Noelle's seven-year-old daughter, dressed like a Parisian doll, speaking in pageant-contestant affectations.
  • Wolfie Fletcher
    Beamer's four-year-old son, who pretends to be various animals.
  • Ludmilla
    The Fletchers' housekeeper, stoically navigating Noelle's moods.
  • Paulette
    The French nanny, who dresses the children fashionably.
  • Charlie Messinger
    Beamer's former writing partner, whose painful split still haunts him; recommended their couples therapist.
  • Marjorie Fletcher
    Carl's sister, present at Phyllis's deathbed.
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