Cover of Long Island Compromise

Long Island Compromise

by Taffy Brodesser-Akner


Genre
Fiction, Contemporary, Humor and Comedy
Year
2024
Pages
465
Contents

Lass, Wouldst Thou ’Low Me Rest Here? I’ve Ridden Quite Far

Overview

On the morning of Carl's funeral and Phyllis's unveiling, Arthur returns from his travels and confesses his love to Ruth, then reveals Zelig's hidden cache of diamonds and Israel bonds buried in the greenhouse—a failsafe Phyllis left behind. Ruth tells her children that Zelig murdered the boy whose identity he stole to reach America. The Fletchers' financial ruin evaporates, and the novel ends without catharsis: their wealth simply restores itself.

Summary

The morning after Carl's death at the bar mitzvah, the Fletchers wake to grief on what was supposed to be Phyllis's headstone unveiling and is now also Carl's funeral. Ruth, alone in her kitchen, is stunned when Arthur suddenly returns. He confesses he traveled to Paris, Israel, Greece, and India trying to extinguish his lifelong love for her, only to accept that he is stuck loving her. Ruth tells him Carl died yesterday, the factory is gone, and the family is destitute.

Arthur insists this is impossible. He reveals that Zelig, distrustful of banks after the Nazis, used early factory cash to buy diamonds in Antwerp—the true purpose of his supposed chemistry conventions. He buried them in Maxwell House cans beneath the greenhouse flowerpots, along with roughly $200,000 in Israel bonds Phyllis maintained. Arthur leads Ruth to the greenhouse and digs them up. Phyllis, knowing the tax cost of converting them, had left the cache as a failsafe against the family's self-destruction.

Riding to Carl's funeral with her children, Ruth grapples with her devil's bargain and the resentment that her children never suffered as she did. She tells Beamer, Nathan, and Jenny that Zelig did not simply outlive the boy whose identity he took to America—he killed him, stealing his formula, ticket, food, and water. Marjorie confirms Phyllis told her this but never told Carl. The children are horrified and uncomprehending.

That night, Ruth informs the children about the diamonds. She will sell half, keeping a quarter for herself and Marjorie and placing a quarter in irrevocable trusts controlled by Arthur; the other half will be distributed among her children, making them wealthier than ever. The narrator concludes bluntly: there is no reckoning, no growth, no resolution—their problems are simply solved with money, because that is how rich people are.

Who Appears

  • Ruth Fletcher
    Newly widowed; reunites with Arthur, learns of the hidden diamonds, and finally tells her children Zelig was a murderer.
  • Arthur Lindenblatt
    Returns from worldwide travels, confesses lifelong love for Ruth, and reveals Zelig's buried diamonds and Israel bonds.
  • Zelig Fletcher
    Deceased patriarch; revealed to have murdered the boy whose identity he stole and buried diamonds bought in Antwerp.
  • Phyllis Fletcher
    Deceased matriarch; secretly maintained Israel bonds and preserved Zelig's diamonds as a family failsafe.
  • Nathan Fletcher
    Eldest son preparing to bury his father; hears Ruth's revelation about Zelig.
  • Beamer Fletcher
    Middle child grieving Carl; stunned by Ruth's claim that Zelig killed the boy.
  • Jenny Fletcher
    Daughter mourning Carl; questions Ruth's disturbing revelation in the limousine.
  • Marjorie Fletcher
    Carl's sister; confirms Phyllis told her the truth about Zelig's murder.
  • Alyssa
    Nathan's wife; rides separately to the funeral with their children and her parents.
  • Carl Fletcher
    Deceased patriarch awaiting burial; absent but central to the day's grief.
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