In 2000, Abu Sayyaf, a militant Islamic group in the southern Philippines, kidnapped Jeffrey Schilling, a 24 year old American.
The FBI's Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU), which is the equivalent of the special forces of negotiations, was called in to handle the situation.
CNU developed the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM), which proposes five stages: active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change.
The model is based on the idea of unconditional positive regard, which is when a therapist accepts the client as they are.
The BCSM is designed to take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior.
In order to achieve real gut-level change, the psychological environment necessary is the same whether in a high-stakes negotiation or a everyday negotiation with a child, boss, or client.
The sweetest two words in any negotiation are "That's right."
The author suggests that instead of trying to get people to say "yes," it's important to create a subtle epiphany in the other person, which leads to real behavior change.
The author is a Supervisory Special Agent (SSA) attached to the FBI's elite Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU) that develops the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM) for high-stakes crisis negotiation.
The BCSM proposes five stages- active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change- that take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior.
The model is based on Carl Rogers' approach of unconditional positive regard.
The author was involved in the negotiation to release a kidnap victim, Jeffrey Schilling, who was held by the militant Islamic group Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines.
The kidnappers were seeking $10 million as compensation for "war damages"
The author found that the kidnapper, Sabaya, was not responsive to reason and logic and the only way to influence his behavior was to establish rapport with him.
The author trained his colleague, Benjie, to become an effective negotiator in this situation, by acknowledging his rage and helping him control his anger.
After four months of negotiations, the author decided to "hit the reset switch" and get Sabaya off the "war damages" narrative.
The author's ultimate goal was to get Sabaya to say "That's right" which would indicate a breakthrough and a subtle epiphany for the kidnapper.
The Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM) is a powerful staple in the high-stakes world of crisis negotiation.
The model proposes five stages: active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change.
The origins of the model can be traced back to the great American psychologist Carl Rogers, who proposed that real change can only come when a therapist accepts the client as he or she is—an approach known as unconditional positive regard.
In hostage negotiations, the goal is not to get to "yes," but to "that's right."
"That's right" allows negotiators to draw out talks and divert the adversary from hurting the hostage.
"You're right" is the worst answer in a negotiation, as it does not lead to a change in behavior.
The author used "That's right" breakthroughs to help his son, Brandon, change his football playing style and make a crucial sale for a student.
In negotiation, the phrase "that's right" is valuable because it indicates that the other party has assessed and embraced what you've said of their own free will.
It can be used to draw out talks and divert the adversary from hurting the hostage.
In business, "that's right" often leads to the best outcomes.
However, hearing "you're right" is a disaster because it means the other party agrees in theory, but doesn't own the conclusion, and will go back to the same behavior.
An example given is a student trying to negotiate a job position with his former boss, using the "that's right" technique to achieve his goal and also getting his boss to reveal his true motives.
The technique can also be used in sales, as demonstrated by an attendee of a speech who successfully used it in a price negotiation.
The key lesson is that getting to understanding, rather than just agreement, is crucial in negotiation and can lead to behavioral change.